Have a good soul but looks aren’t beside me

What Is Attractive To Me — Might Not Be Your Cup Of Tea

Based on who I am and my lifestyle, most women would assume my type would be someone who works out as often as I do and probably eats really healthy & is petite in stature – which is bogus because my standards aren’t this little to begin with & the majority of the world who fits this combination is a small percentage of Americans, which means I would be missing out on some great people if I shut myself off from others. As a matter of fact my type ranges these days but I have my preferences & I don’t think they hinder me when it comes to dating but it intimidates others who are interested in me because they feel as though I am trying to refrain from anything that doesn’t check off in my box of what I look for. I’m sorry I have preferences and that what I am attracted to keeps my interest but don’t assume due to my checklist that I don’t ever venture outside my “norm” because I have and it is possible I could if I find that I have a deep rooted connection with someone. 

First off, let me get off my chest what I find attractive in a woman, I mean most of you probably would like to know how strict my list really gets, right? Warning: I can be quite superficial when it comes to looks but who isn’t when they judge people based on appearance — this is why I tell people both physical and personality traits because in my world, you need both in order to mesh well with me. — although my ex had a beautiful appearance and it covered up any flaws her personality had because I was pretty much in love with what I seen vs what I knew of her & sometimes looks can make us blind to the red flags. #Truth I’d be lying if I said “I didn’t date someone based on looks” because I have & while it didn’t get me very far in the relationship — it did make the honeymoon phase fun! lol 

My type:

  • Typically brunettes have my heart — I think Ally Hills made this my go-to (I fangirl over her) Although I believe @kelskiel is a beautiful blonde, so if a woman looked like that — umm yeah you would be my type for sure. (she is a crossfit athlete) ❤ 
  • Longer hair, something about hair just is attractive when it is longer in length (not excessively) but something between a Lauren Jauregui & once again Ally Hills (seriously, I have a mad crush on her) but besides that, I think shorter length hair is cute too if it isn’t the pixie cut or something shorter than shoulder length (pending the person)
  • Feminine in how she carries herself, but I don’t mind a tomboy — or sporty athletic lesbian .. like whatever floats her boat but when it comes to butch /stud lesbians it wouldn’t work because I am more dominate in my demeanor and to be recessive is not a comfortable place for me when it is 9/10 times the part to be played. Not saying butch or stud women are not feminine or “womanly” — they are ALL woman, no questions asked and I respect that but when having a butch interested in me, she always hopes that I would be the recessive one & to be honest I can be recessive but I don’t always like playing that part — and normally that is expected of me — not to mention I am not particularly attracted to butch or studly women. P.S I am NOT a stud or butch lesbian myself but that’s a conversation for another time. ❤
  • loves exploring — adventure– travel; seriously, so many people these days just want to netflix and chill (nothing wrong with that) I love movies too but damn, I need someone who likes to create memories outside the home as well, visit new places. Having to date a purely homebody who doesn’t like the outside, would be slight chance it wouldn’t work out because I love being out and about 🙂
  • Athletic would be preference — especially if she is defined nicely like @kelskiel but doesn’t break the bank if she isn’t athletic — like I realize I lift and go to the gym and powerlift and also am a personal trainer (so basically fitness/health is my life & passion) but doesn’t have to be the other person’s; although it would mean a whole lot if they were supportive of my choice to be healthy, fit individual working in this field & if they were to want to explore this side — not saying they need to be at the gym like me, but it would help if they had some form of interest in wanting to workout but again, if it isn’t there thing, I’d expect they at least took care of themselves enough to care about their well-being. 
  • I am very sarcastic and goofy — so when it comes to enjoying humor, they would have to be okay with dating someone who is both of these things. We can have serious conversations but I like having fun as well — so this person couldn’t object my need for being myself. 
  • Good hygiene- I mean seriously, how you carry yourself and take care of yourself tells me everything I need to know about what you think of yourself. 
  • my height or a little shorter is preferable but I mean if she is a little taller than 5’8. that’s fine but I don’t picture myself dating someone above 6 foot unless she is in heels.
  • Self confidence is sexy to me, so if she is confident with herself, I find that awesome! definitely a necessity because I believe those with higher self esteem and self confidence can bring out the best in people sometimes vs someone with low self esteem and lack of confidence who constantly need stroking in order to feel good about themselves. I have dated both & while I don’t mind people with low self esteem in a sense that I want to make them feel loved and worthy but it can be draining when they allow their lack of self worth to turn them into jealous or malicious individuals. However, I don’t need someone who thinks highly of herself to the point where she treats others inferior to herself or is vain. A happy medium is nice. Confidence not arrogance. 
  • Someone who is themselves around me, I don’t need someone to portray a character in order to keep my attention, be yourself from day one is all I ask because surprising me with bullshit isn’t going to keep me around. If you suffer with mental health conditions or a health condition or have kinks, etc tell me upfront , why wait and then when things get serious you show this side of you and expect me to adapt.. like no, let’s be real with each other from the get go. It is up to both parties if they wish to take things to the next level after exposing this information, but don’t lie to me or be a fake person in order to get with me. 
  • Drug free — I mean if you smoke weed, I won’t judge you, it’s weed not coke but I would prefer if she didn’t just because I don’t smoke weed or anything else so for me, drugs aren’t appealing — while if she smokes one cig a week and maybe puffs weed every once in a while and it doesn’t hinder her life — I won’t throw a fit about it, but if you hang out in the basement of your parents smoking weed everyday and have no goals or aspirations or if you get high off pain meds, etc then we won’t work out for sure. There has to be a happy medium, I won’t tell you to quit smoking weed unless that becomes your newfound hobby because there is more to life than getting high all the time. Weed won’t decrease your chances with me, but it won’t higher your chances either, pending on the situation, I don’t usually mind it but any other drugs, nah bro, I can’t get down with. Just know, I am not getting high with you regardless of your drug choice so, don’t even ask or expect it. 
  • Career oriented/educated individual — I mean seriously, if you don’t have a job or have some form of education, it won’t do. I need someone who works and want to have a successful career and home life but also is educated enough to have intelligent conversations– teach me something new, have a passion, do something worthwhile with your life — don’t be a bum, jobless, lack of interest in anything that means bettering yourself. I don’t need someone with a college degree necessarily but someone with meaning to their life is important to me
  • Has a interest in wanting to get to know my family —  &vice versa. My family is important to me & I love being able to introduce them to people I am dating or have a interest in dating, I realize not everyone has close relationships with their family members & that;s totally okay with me BUT don’t expect that I stray from mine because you aren’t close to yours. Like I wouldn’t keep you from your family, so don’t do it to me or expect it out of me. I left the nest years ago but I still talk to my family and visit & my youngest brother and me are super close so if that bothers the person, it wouldn’t work out. 
  • I don’t have sex with people whom I wouldn’t date, so in this world where everyone enjoys having fun engaging sexually with other humans, I love sex but not enough to give my body to anybody just to get laid for the night. Sex is important to me in a relationship, I need and enjoy that kind of chemistry — especially when I am feeling most vulnerable, it makes me feel good inside sharing myself with someone who means a lot to me, so good sexually chemistry is a must.
  • Causcasion women – personally I like dating outside of my own race, always have, just always intrigued me and so that is what I tend to go for when looking to date someone. I guess the fact that many years ago it wasn’t allowed & now having the right to do so, makes me happy. 
So in the main scheme of things, my standards aren’t really all that high, but my needs are and that’s because I have settled with less than I deserved and it didn’t fit me well, it ended before it began and wasted time I could have been spending with someone who is a better fit for me. I think having a type is a choice — some choose to date freely with no limits or list and others choose to date using a mental checklist of wants/needs & neither party is wrong for doing what they choose because you know what you want and if you don’t then taking the time to figure it out is very important before hopping into something serious. The expectations anymore is we date someone formally by looks only — Tinder, bumble based on liking someone based on pictures but with minimal information in their bios. I definitely need to be attracted to the person physically but I am learning & have learned from my past that looks don’t hold a person’s worth & so I want to also find someone with a good soul and genuine personality that enhances my happiness & vice versa. I believe that we can’t set higher expectations than we are willing to give ourselves. ❤
Shay-lon Moss

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