Missing An Ex

Missing you Holds me back from loving someone else..

It would be a lie if I didn’t admit the fact I fall into this category of people: people who miss their ex to the point that they have a hard time dating anyone else — have a hard time moving on with someone else in hopes that maybe, just maybe, she will return willing to give love a shot again. I mean, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to date someone else, nor does it mean you can’t move on, it just means you are holding on to something because of fear — fear of loving someone else to the same length you once loved her. We shouldn’t be afraid because this is something we yearn, to be loved & to love someone wholeheartedly, but after you have given your love to someone that didn’t want it any longer, it is hard to imagine giving your love away once more. Another thing I have found out for myself is I have been searching for “her”, searching for someone to resemble her in every aspect — someone who has her looks (because I was head over heels attracted to her), someone who resembles her personality (how we clicked from the get go) and someone who immediately catches my eye — & my heart the way she did. 

The problem with missing an ex is .. it keeps you from being happy; from wanting to seek happiness, it can keep you awake at night, make you cry during certain songs, and push away the possibility of being with someone who truly cares about you. It keeps your mind open but heart locked away, it doesn’t allow for much room for fuck ups from other prospects, and it pauses commitment as soon as things start to get more serious with someone. It’s internally damaging to the soul, mind and heart. I didn’t realize how much missing my ex was damaging me until I realized how much of her I still kept around — her pictures of us together, all her text (beginning to end), the memories and the constant comparison I give when someone comes into my life & any time I think of her, I fall into tears that just won’t go away — it’s a constant cycle and one that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Normally my post are to help others seek the guidance they need to get through some shit,or discuss opinions of others, but this time, this post was for me — of course I want it to be about you as an audience but this post was meant to be for me so that I can read where my flaws lie when it comes to having to force myself to move on. I’m not yet ready to let her go, not even a little bit, I figured after having my Instagram hacked (all of our pictures used to be on my old account) that would be the furthest to moving on I would go, until I have met someone who grasp my attention to the point where I wouldn’t even blink an eye at the thought of her, but that’s is a lot to ask of someone else and I can’t possibly hold everyone to this. 

In time I hope that I can eventually delete pictures willingly and find love without comparing people to her. I think the hardest part about moving on from someone who you never wanted to lose in the first place, is not knowing if there will ever be a chance of rekindling something, even if it becomes a friendship & not understanding why things had to end the way they did when you weren’t ready… That’s hard man, not being prepared for heart break before it happens because when it does happen  — man it can sting & it stings hard with no remorse. My tip for you as readers going through this is, don’t get into a relationship with another while still missing your ex, yearning for your ex or trying to wait for your ex, don’t waste another person’s times or break their heart in order to fill a void.. & don’t forget to be kind to yourself while you go through the different phases, and don’t allow it to stop you from loving yourself or others.. don’t allow one person to keep you from setting out and adding something wonderful to this world. 

Shay-lon

2 thoughts on “Missing An Ex

  1. I’ve had to read this a few times. I suppose it would be easy to say “it gets better” but that’s not quite true.

    But feelings certainly change over time so the sharp pain turns into a dull ache…the emotions are there, but not as strong.

    To let someone in and have that fall apart is tough, but it’s also a process. As an athlete you understand how pain and discomfort can be used to push you to a new level…

    How long this takes? Who knows, but you’ll get there Shaylon.

    Like

    1. Ty,
      You always seem to know how to say things in just a way, maybe because you have shared your experiences with love with me and I realize you have been here too. I find whenever I get a broken heart, I take a shortcut and try to heal the fastest way possible, in hopes it is good enough for the next person, but in reality, all I am doing is rushing the process and not healing correctly or within time. I hate the healing process, so I try to avoid it after a week or so, so I can pretend shit is fine, just to get through a day or week.. I have learned that the shortcut catches up with me later — especially when I have ignored the problems it creates. I like the wall, but the wall is what keeps people out and effects relationships when you are too stubborn to allow it to fall short just a little ways. I didn’t think I still cared for her the way I do, and it really just blows my mind how a song playing on the radio made me realize that within seconds. Almost like a sign. I don’t know how long it will take either, that’s the scary part.

      Like

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