Is her dumping you for a man worse than her dumping you for another women

Don’t let your ego get the best of you

Bisexuals are getting a negative connotation because of choosing to date either men or women & lesbians who have dated bisexuals are screaming how when they have dated someone who was bisexual; ” the women always leaves them for a man” and how much worse it is than having them being dumped for another women. First of all, yes it has happened to me (with my very first girlfriend) she was bisexual and cheated on me multiple times with a man — but I have also been dumped from a fellow lesbian for another women and that hurt just as much, if not worse at the time. Personally break ups & having been cheated on hurts regardless of the situation, and so no matter who dumps who and for what reason, there will always be a pain there.   

Since I have had both happen, I think I have a right to talk about this topic and share my insight and bring in some perspective — not in hopes to change your way of thinking but in hopes you at least give it some thought (true thought) because it just might change your way of thinking . LOL (but if not, I won’t be upset)

First comes first, let’s throw out negative opinions on bisexual and pansexual women and focus on the topic — does it really hurt that much more when you are dumped for the opposite sex? When I was 18, I thought so, but she was my first girlfriend and I was inexperienced and new to the community and very apprehensive about talking about my sexuality and even confused about it (so that created a lackluster of things: decreased self esteem, emotionally vulnerable, and a deflated ego) among other things. All the symptoms that happened during that relationship, happened again dating my ex when we broke up and she found another women. Point: I was upset, frustrated and sad in both situations & it didn’t come down to who they dumped me for or cheated on me with, it was the fact of the matter, I was no longer with the person I loved — the relationship was over. Hard pill to swallow. 

I will assume if you were in either of these situations, it would be difficult for you too. I personally believe that having a women leave to be with the opposite sex is more of a hit to our own egos, and not so much about the fact she is “fraud”, or “not a real lesbian” or “leaving me for a man means she never really liked women” — I think we think these things to disguise our egos & find the faults with the person so we can feel better about the situation. It is quite possible that she might like both men and women, and found the male counterpart at the time to be a better fit for her, or perhaps she wanted to experience being with the male counterpart to figure herself out, or maybe she decided that she liked dating both at the same time, or liked the emotional aspect from women but enjoyed the sexual pleasure from men, who knows? The reasons vary. Everyone has their own path in life and you have to know yourself to know what you want (and that takes exploring different avenues for some people). However, I do agree that cheating shouldn’t be acceptable behavior & going through a break up sucks. If you eliminate the person they cheated on you with or dates after you, then the picture remains the same — you have been hurt, you are pained and you might be emotionally unavailable receive people. To say it’s because she is choosing to be a man, just means you feel a hit to your own ego, your own self esteem and self worth & that comes from feeling as though you can’t compete with the male counterpart; no comparison, “how can I compare to him, what does he have, that I don’t” or “what can he do that I can’t”.. it turns into a competition rather than looking at it from the perspective, maybe it isn’t about what he has or doesn’t have, it might come down to what he has to offer her that might be what she was looking for in you but you failed to give (i.e compassion, attention, time, space, etc) it isn’t always about the fact he has a penis and I have a vagina, so how can we compete with that. It’s not a competition. Don’t allow your ego to get the best of you. 

Now with all of this being said, if you are choosing to be in a relationship with a women who has stated she is bisexual or pansexual, then you will have to respect the fact that she is attracted to both sexes for her own reasons & if that bothers you, it is not our right to make her feel less of a person or feel as though she is a slut or whore because of it or that she is cheater due to her sexuality. In order to pass judgement you have to be able to talk to the person to gain an understanding of who they are and what they want/need in a relationship or partner — after they discuss your concerns or talk to you about these things, that’s when you can evaluate the situation and decide if it is something you want to continue with or walk away from. For the record, I came out as bisexual at 18 but realized I was lesbian in my twenties because I couldn’t bring myself to date a man/be in a relationship with a man and the thought of being sexual intimate with a male counterpart made me feel very uncomfortable. This just goes to show that with age, time, exploring yourself, and experience,  you find what you like and what makes you comfortable in your own skin. That’s what is most important, being happy in your own skin & finding someone who accepts you for it. 

Thanks for reading, feel free to share, like and follow

Your not so average lesbian,

Shay-lon

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