Lesbian being hit on by men

There goes this saying that “some women don’t look like lesbians”, probably something many of you have heard before, and if you are like me, still don’t understand what a lesbian is supposed to look like. Oh, wait, we are all supposed to have a buzz cut, baggy clothing and have the demeanor of our male counterpart and if not, we definitely aren’t lesbian — say’s most men who need an excuse to hit on us. LOL. I mean truly, I know this all too well, especially since I don’t fit the “typical” lesbian outer appearance (although I am definitely not a femme 100 percent) — I have my days where my style may range in Tomboy but guess not Tomboy enough because I still have feminine features men wouldn’t consider to be “gay” enough to be considered gay. Funny how pea brain men know very little, & some don’t even try to understand without judgement — so I have learned. Maybe we can blame society “norms” for making lesbians out to be this specific type of person, but I also blame the ignorance of the person for not even trying to understand how we are all individuals no matter our outer appearance. It’s 2018, we still have time before I give up on humanity, but do know, my meter of patience wears thin with some people. 

I have dated women who have all been more feminine in appearance (happens to be what I am attracted to) no offense, and so it was a common occurance to have men hit on us when we were out in public. Hell, my ex and I were walking out of Walmart together and had some young dudes whistle and yell at us with vulgar words (some would consider compliments, but we considered creepy and obnoxious). Now, I am not saying, I hate men, I don’t & while I do tend to have a slight discomfort around them due to my upbringing (having watched my mom being domestically abused within our home) and having a dad who committed crimes beyond my comprehension — but I don’t hold all men to a fault, I just don’t particularly enjoy the ones who overstep their boundaries (and yes, women overstep theirs too). The thing is, I enjoy compliments (although I do get weird when I receive one sometimes) nonetheless I like them regardless of male or female giving it BUT, being hit on when I don’t give the same feelings back or have explained my sexuality & the person (in this case the dude) still pushes the envelope and doesn’t respect my boundaries is where I draw the line at “back the fuck up man”.. I said I am not interested. Seriously. The problem that I have experienced is, when I have exposed my sexual preference to a man, he then takes it as a challenge to “turn me straight” or like “penis” because supposedly I haven’t met the right dude or haven’t had a good penis penetrate me and make me all wet .. *eye roll* . It takes a strong woman to endure the arrogance and ignorance but a stronger female to tell them to “F off” (which I haven’t done) but will be well on my way if it has to come to that. Fingers crossed it doesn’t come to that anytime soon. 

This post was mostly my rant about this subject but also a post to discuss the issue because from what I have observed in various LGBTQ groups & lesbian groups, this seems to happen more often than not and most lesbians don’t take a liking to it when it starts to reach a certain level of disrespect. If you have this issue, there are more ways than one to handle it; depending on the circumstance and environment in which it happens. The number one rule is: if it feels like harassment, put a stop to it immediately because you don’t deserve that ladies. truly. If it just a event that happens out of random due to being in a bar or club, then politely turn him down and go about your business, if he chooses to dwell on it and make it a huge issue, handle it accordingly but don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if need be. If this is something that occurs at your job, then you need to be cautious and follow the protocol for it, so that it is handled professionally and without damage to your job. If it is something small and doesn’t offend you, then just politely say thank you and continue with your day. Normally, people have good intentions and just want to make someone smile (I am a huge supporter of that) but every so often you get some idiot who decides to be extra after you have already mentioned your disinterest. -_- MAJOR EYE ROLL! 

In a nutshell ladies, being hit on should be a compliment, but doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate the feelings and doesn’t mean you have to endure the “challenge” of turning you straight. If the compliment is harmless and he is being respectful then take it and run with it, smile and allow it to sink in and give you a confidence boost. If the compliment/flirting leads to forcefully pushing themselves on you, or making you uncomfortable, let it be known and if it persist, take rightful action. 

Are you a lesbian who gets hit on by men? share your stories with me in the comment section & like, share and follow! 

Shay-lon

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