Sex on the first date

Relationship probs 101

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like whenever I have gone on a date in the past, you share a kiss & it later leads to sexual relations or perhaps we click really well — and we feel extremely comfortable to the point where making this decision seems rather easy OR OR OR.. the environment in which we met triggers this desire (hotel room, his/her house, pool party, etc) but no matter, I have always fell for the bait of sharing myself with someone on the first date (no regrets) because they have all ended up being relationships. I have this motto, I don’t screw who I wouldn’t date, it saves me time and doesn’t waste the other person’s time either, win-win. Now many of you are probably judging me right about now, probably calling me a “slut”, “hoe”, “whore” or maybe other rather mean words, but what you don’t know is, I haven’t been in many relationships (at the age of 26) I have had minimal experience & relationships compared to many others my age and up, hell, some of you in your teens have more experience in the bedroom than myself, not to say I don’t know what I am doing, but I haven’t played around with many people in my day. I like to think I am more cautious of what STDS, are among us that people aren’t always honest about. Regardless, yes, I have had sexual relations on the FIRST DATE — so you can say I am a pro in the category with much more to learn. 

I’d be a hypocrite if I said “I am against sexual relationships” on the first date, so I won’t make that statement, instead, I will just say “sometimes your emotions get the best of you in the heat of the moment” OR OR OR, she just gives you that look, where you better undress, hop in the bed or the back of the car & let her take you over or else.. LOL so I guess that is what happened to me, poor me, having people give me that look — intimidating, I tell ya. It gets me every time, but it won’t next time (I say this now). On a more serious note,  I am not against sexual relations on the first date, but I am not rooting for it either, because it doesn’t always end well and have a happy ending (thankfully mine have). I am one in a million people, so don’t take my words for it but do take my advice in the next paragraphs because I can save you from some risky situations and give you a sense of what could come of making this final decision to share yourself with another on a first occasion. Now we are all adults here, I am assuming my audience is well in age to know that at some point we will find someone we want to do this with — so if you are a virgin, whether you wait for marriage or go wild, it will happen (unless you anticipate in being a nun) in which your life course will be much different than mine. For those of you who are young, wild and free (carefree), I have news for you as well — it’s 2018 and people don’t give a “F”, so with that being said, you need to give a “F” about yourself enough to know whether the person you are sleeping with is clean (STD free) and if they aren’t you better give a “F” about using preventive methods to keep you from catching their virus or better yet, wait until it has cleared up then go donkey kong in bed — UNLESS, you share the same virus and don’t care, or perhaps have found ways to be in a relationship with someone who carries an non curable STD (yes those exist) but scientist are working on making this life an easier place so that everyone can have cures — sadly until that happens, be careful and cautious. 

Let’s start with my “why” as in why did I choose to jump in bed with this and that person on the first date? Hmm, easy answer “heat of the moment, she was hot, I liked her, and trusted her and wanted laid”/ better answer: she liked me, wanted me, and made it verbal and so I did my civil duty and made it happen. Amazing how simple my answer was, but sometimes things aren’t so clear, so perhaps it wasn’t so much the heat of the moment but the fact you felt pressured, or perhaps you didn’t want to do it, but took a risk in hopes it would seal the deal in the relationship or maybe you just wanted to experience it for the first time with someone. I don’t know your why’s but I will assume it is one of the 3-4 reasons I listed above this sentence; if not, express it in the comments. Otherwise, regardless of why you decided to take this leap of faith, you did, and there is no turning back (whether it works in your favor or not) you made a decision based on what you felt at the time and it is final. If you and that person are no longer together, I’ve been there done it, I am single, so trust me, I know it can suck sharing yourself w/someone then having it ending up being a short term relationship thereafter and end up back at square one in the dating pool once again — trying to reboot your morals. Ha. There is no reboot, once you did it the first time, you can forgive yourself and pretend you are a saint but just between me & you; you aren’t a saint anymore, that went out the window last night, along with all your goody goody girly acts and church service on Sunday morning sermons. 

Down below I am going to share some advice on this topic, because it can be a true testament for sure of how far you are willing to go and test whether or not your talk matches your walk. Hmm. 

First is first:

  • Preventive measures, protection against STDs is important – be smart
  • Was this pressured or was it natural when it happened? One of these answers will be a red flag to not engage with this person again because it should be both parties decision to engage in the activity and if one is uncomfortable and the other is pressuring them, I’d say this would be a red flag
  • It is your choice as to when, and who you are share yourself intimately with. 
  • You are not a slut, whore or hoe. Those words don’t describe you because you ended the night with a “night cap” instead of a hug (we will talk more about this)
  • If it is your first time, explore your body & know what you like and dislike & be VERBAL about it with the other person
  • STOP MEANS STOP, don’t continue if someone says stop and don’t allow someone to continue if you say STOP, you have rights. 
  • Try to be sober when engaging in this activity on the first date —personally I find when you are sober, the love making is much better, longer and more enjoyable for both parties & not to mention you are more aware of your surroundings. 
  • Don’t use intimate situations such as this to trap the person into a relationship or as a means to form a relationship because it doesn’t always workout in that manner and I’d rather you know that upfront. 
  • If you want the person to consider you as potential date and not just someone to sleep next to on a first date, you need to get an understanding of their morals, beliefs and values as well because you may find they don’t mesh with your own. 
  • Go in knowing what you want out of a first date & stick with it, but don’t be afraid to allow things to spark if that’s how you feel, you have to be the one to know how far you are willing to go. 

Now I mentioned that just because you slept with someone on the first date doesn’t mean you are those mean words people use; because we have different categories of people who have slept with someone on the first date: 1) the person who needs to know if there is sexual chemistry beforehand 2) the guilable one (who believes every word their date says and gets sucked into the action) 3) the person that felt sparks & a connection/both parties felt it and it naturally happened & lastly, 4) the type of person who just wants to get laid. None of which make you a bad person or anything otherwise, because we all have needs, but it is how we deal with them that makes the difference. Not to mention, we are human and this means we will flaw and make mistakes sometimes — but it doesn’t mean we can’t learn from them & do better next time. 

So, this is a more a personal issue, I don’t expect much feedback, but if you have something you want to share, feel free to do so! thanks for reading, please share, comment, like, and follow. 

Shay-lon

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