How do you know she is a lesbian

A question that never gets old & one that has been answered many times over by different people with different answers. I suppose it is an important question because if we are interested in someone, we want to know & be confident enough to expose our sexuality so that maybe sparks can fly! In the meantime, we base our answers on stereotypes and raise our eyebrows to the ones who don’t fit the typical lesbian disposition/description. 

I will be one to admit that my type doesn’t fit the stereotype & that makes life that much harder because I could be hitting on a straight woman or a gay woman but we never really know for sure until it has been revealed to us. I suppose taking a risk gets answers & also makes us more vulnerable to rejection but if we don’t take certain risk to find out, then we always question it later. My way of handling things is ‘assuming everyone is straight’ because I am not quite bold enough to present the question upfront and I am not one to express my sexuality to everyone (I keep it a person by person basis — because I don’t believe it is everyone’s business). On the other hand, this has hindered me, because I don’t have the confidence to express my feels & flirt with another woman in person — and so I could have been missing out & because I am not as forward about my sexuality to random people — which may also hinder me. In the past I have thrown a few flirts at women in person, but it makes me feel awkward because I struggle with social anxiety, so for me, it’s almost like putting myself front and center & allowing the audience to take jabs at me (not knowing if it will be good or bad) 

I have joined multiple LGBTQ Facebook groups & have observed the many answers to questions such as this one and have compiled a list of answers that may be helpful to some of you — can’t promise any of it will work, but it’s a start and one that could bring results. 

Most people have always told me that “I don’t look like a lesbian” & so it got to the point where I would start to think to myself what do lesbians look like, and how come people assume that because she doesn’t have short hair and wear men’s clothes that she can’t possibly be a lesbian. Lesbians all have different appearances and many of them (including myself) don’t have just ONE look that we present ourselves as because we go with what makes us comfortable at that particular time.  For this reason, I try to not base everything on clothing and haircuts because while there might be a good chance some fit the stereotype, there is also that percentage who don’t. The list below are answers from myself & various other people. 

How can you tell she is gay?

  1. You could always just ask her — being upfront might be your style
  2. Pay attention to her mannerisms, sometimes those give it away
  3. Does she use the word “partner” when talking about their relationships (sometimes this is a sign that they are gay as well/ most straight women i know use the term boyfriend or husband)
  4. Does she mention the person she is dating in terms of “them, they, the person I am dating” & avoiding words such as “she, her”. Straight women typically will use him, he, or his to describe their male companion (not always)
  5. Pay attention to her playlist, maybe you share music in common & she likes a few LGBTQ artist, hmm.
  6. Pay attention to body language when she talks to you if you expose your sexuality; does it make her uncomfortable or does she get excited. 
  7. Pay attention to her views (politics, pop culture, religion) etc 
  8. Try asking her on a date or to hang out. 
  9. her appearance could be enough to assume (but don’t only base it on appearance)
  10. If invited in her circle of friends, get to know the kind of people they are & you may find she has a couple of LGBTQ friends or those that support LGBTQ rights. Either of these could be a sign? but if not, you could always ask her friends if you are too shy to ask her. 

That’s a small list of ideas to go off of, when considering whether another women is lesbian. Like I’ve said before, these aren’t guaranteed tips to get you a girlfriend & some of them may not be your style or way of going about it, but if anything I hope the list adds value if your list of ideas start to run out. Thanks for reading!

Shay-lon 

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