In a world where people take trust with a ‘grain of salt’ because it is assumed that if someone cares enough about you; there is no reason to second guess their motivates. For that reason, promises go at waist-side.
I have always been the type of person where earning someones trust is important enough for me to want to keep it, so when someone tells me something in confidence or when I make a commitment to someone — I make it my duty to keep it. We all have obligations, life happens, and sometimes we forget BUT those tend to become excuses when behaviors become repetitive. I can’t assume that people won’t have legit reasons for breaking their promise, but I can assume that when it happens more than enough times, it means it isn’t as important to them as it was for me — which then leads me to believe that I am not important enough to keep a commitment to. Many times we see this type of behavior in those who are workaholics (have a family and has a demanding job all at once) they make these commitments with their kids and spouses but make the same type of commitment to their work — in the end leaving the kid(s)/spouse with the bitter end of the stick while fulfilling their work duties. They excuse it with a new promotion or earning a higher wage, becoming bosses new favorite employee but not realizing that the family doesn’t need those things in order to be happy — they want the same time you put into your job spent with them, spent committing to the promises you made time after time again. It isn’t to say they don’t care about your work accomplishments, because they do, they want the best for you in every aspect of your life but they don’t want to become second place loser to your job if it means you win bonuses but don’t show up to concerts/games/events/family dinners. Life is about making sacrifices — we all end up having to do it (most of us anyways) so when you weigh the pros and cons of having a happy family or having a winning promotion .. it starts off balanced but it ends up going in one direction or the other & it is up to you to figure out how to keep it balanced so that you reap happiness from both sides without having to give up one or the other. Although, sometimes giving up something is the price you pay when you sink too deep to recover.
Promises don’t work on their own. They need someone to work for them. A relationship doesn’t work on its own, it needs both parties to (or multiple parties) to work together in order to keep it balanced & make it work. Promises are the same way. We make these promises but WE/the person making it has to be the one to pull through & the other person has to be the one to accept your promise in order for you to go through with it. If the person opposes your promise, then it does no good & if you don’t pull through with the promise then it does no good. Promises can be complex or simple, small or big, long term or short term — there is two simple rules = keep them & take them seriously. Promises lead to trust issues when broken too many times & lead to trust gains when fulfilled. If commitment scares you, don’t make a promise you can’t keep. Simple.
My experience with broke promises..
I always have an experience, so far they have all taught me something more about the person I dated & identified the red flags I ignored due to being “in love” or “crushing on someone”. It’s true, love is blinding but now from experience, I know better to not allow the sunshine to cover up a cloudy day — because grey clouds come back round and the sun goes down (basically means, a good day covering up your bad day is only temporary because in the future at some point a bad day will arise again because no relationship is perfect). My ex and I made a promise to be together forever, to talk about everything that arises good and bad within our relationship and to not call it quits because of stormy weather but to make things work to the best of our ability no matter how bad it was because neither one of us believed in breaking up UNLESS it was harmful to our mental state or physical being. We wanted to work out the kinks and grow. WELL.. that would have been a vowel I was willing to keep but it seems she didn’t feel the same way; the promise got dropped at her waist-side when she dumped me, didn’t talk to me about why or explain, when she decided it was more important for her to walk away then it was for us to try to fix things. I’d like to say “it was no big deal” but it was a huge deal because it was a commitment we made with one another — & because she chose to break that promise, I knew I couldn’t trust anything she said (even if we were to get back together), I will always question her motives. Sadly, that is no way to live within a relationship & it would mean having to start over again from a blank slate in gaining my trust back (assuming she is willing to work towards that) because if not, the relationship would fail once more, and continue to fail. If the promise/commitment was too large to keep, she should have woman up and said so, but to go through with it and not think twice when you break it, was her loss.
Relationships aren’t the only failed promises I’ve had..
Family, the people who raise you and are supposed to have your back, support you, love you, and be there when other people fail to — the ones we put first many times. Well family can break promises too, and the sad part is, we never expect them to for that reason — because they are family. My mom has broken many promises, hell, I don’t think she ever plans on keeping any of the ones she broke, so when she makes them, I hear them but I don’t believe them anymore (every once in a GREAT WHILE she follows through with one and I am shocked beyond belief but don’t put my guard down) for her promises fall at waist-side because in her mind, I am her daughter and I will forgive her and move on, but what she doesn’t take into consideration is that I am human and I have feelings too & I deserve to have someone I love to make an effort to do better because they would expect the same from me. All her promises have been financially, ha and even the ones that weren’t financially, I can imagine they fell at waist-side as well. I suppose money shouldn’t be an issue to hold against someone who is family BUT in my case it is, when you have given all you can manage to help someone because they are your mom –when you fall into financial debt because of this person, when you get guilt tripped if you don’t give in and when you only feel loved when they receive the money because at that very moment you are important enough. My mom owes me so much money, lord knows. I happily reminded her years after years but stopped when she would blow up in anger about it and deflect with “she is my mom and it’s the least I can do since she did raise me and take care of me” as if that was a chore — duh you raised me, you are my mom, a baby can’t fend for itself. Get real. Sometimes her retaliation would be as petty as ” you have credit cards, you have two jobs, you have … blah blah blah” like as if that makes a difference in my finances or what is due to me. I am walking checkbook to my mom, not as much anymore but if I won the lottery or got a job making 6 figures, she would throw a fit about giving her funds. The lady has a job, hell she had great jobs, and when she was short, sure, loan her 20-40 dollars wasn’t a big deal because she had her rough patches BUT to have to pay for her to have work done on vehicles, to give her my SSN in order for her to not have to pay a huge deposit for electric when I wasn’t even living at the place and reaping any benefits yet my brother who was 18 at the time didn’t have to fork out anything. She was late on all her payments up til she moved which she didn’t give a crap about because it was my credit score it was hurting, not hers.
I mentioned how my credit score was hurt due to these things and she would laugh and tell me whatever or be quiet and act like she didn’t care. It angers me, still because I don’t even have my own apartment yet, but I am sure it will burn my wallet to do so if my credit score is lowered and had stuff in my name that didn’t even benefit me & was pressured to give. I’ve put my foot down since, but it doesn’t make a difference because the damage has already been done & not even once has she had my brother loan money and he is 23 , hell he got to live with her for the majority of his life while I had to be shoved into living with my grandma. Talk about pained, that I am.
Once again, a promise is meaningful, don’t forget it.
If screwing with people’s trust is your think, just know, one day you will get burned and if being too weak to stand up against someone who abuses your trust is your thing, just know, you will get burned. Promises aren’t meant to be taken lightly, not when someone’s betting on you to pull through, when someone is depending on you to make it happen in order for them to believe you care enough about them. The promises you made as a kid were important back then, so make them important now. Don’t take anything for granted because you never know the consequence it may serve.
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