It’s funny that we get on this topic about being more mature within a relationship because tonight I realized (let’s be honest, even before this) I had some growing up to do. Tonight after belittling someone not realizing that my humor was NOT funny at all to the person it hurt but only to me — then realizing that it was never funny to begin with & that it was immature and hurtful how I went about it. I took for granted someone else’s feelings toward me and assumed that because they have always understood my humor; they would potentially understand this and didn’t come to realize until too late. that there was nothing funny about making someone feel insecure. I should know better, I should have. I am one who has insecurities as well, maybe not to the same extent as this person, but still nonetheless, I have them and they can make one very vulnerable & fragile. I know I fucked up, but I was too busy trying to be sarcastic and show innocent humor that it caused more pain & created turmoil that was unnecessary. I knew after hearing her voice on the phone, she was hitting a low, a low that she hit prior to meeting me or speaking with me; for a while I had been her ‘saving grace’, her escape from being treated poorly by her exes, her escape from pain and hurt BUT in this very moment, it all came crashing down on her once again and the trust she gave me, well, I feel is hindered by this one mistake. Everything I worked hard to build, that I told her and meant, that gave her a chance to believe in someone who could possibly be better than what she experienced in the past slowly went down the mental drain — a drain that takes people’s thoughts hostage & expels this darkness within that causes them to lose faith in humanity once more. She is a victim of my immaturity and while I may not have caused her insecurity, I played a role in how I treated her; in return rendering her consequences in her own mind that I won’t be able to fix.
So in that example, maturity plays a huge role. It does because it basically proves that when you don’t put other people’s feelings into consideration before exposing them to harsh critisms — they can’t trust you, they don’t want to believe in your words & your actions become a blind spot — whatever you did to earn that trust and build a foundation, is what is crumbling underneath you now and you will be damn lucky if this person doesn’t up and leave you where you stand. I was the lucky one, because I screwed up, I made a mess of a mess that can’t be overlooked nor ignored BUT she didn’t walk away — maybe that’s God’s way of letting me know that not everyone walks away because you make a mistake, some people stay to help you grow. I suppose this experience was a “growing” experience.
See people assume that being mature has a lot to do with being “more serious”, or taking things seriously, and lacking the silliness factor — but that doesn’t make you mature because you take things seriously all the time, it just means you need to lighten up and live a little. Being mature is a deeper meaning in my opinion, so I have come to realize. See my ex always told me “we are on two different maturity levels” but would never expand on things; so i never knew what she meant by it. She was the type to be serious all the time and maybe smile here and there at a few things unless it was a comedy then laughing was allowed, but whenever I was being goofy and enjoying the moment, it was like it was too much; but not all the time, she would pick and choose when it was okay. During our breakup I even asked her what could change about my maturity level and she couldn’t tell me.. which only frustrated me more because I didn’t understand. Maybe she was putting up a front in order to have a reason to dump me, or maybe it wasn’t my personality but where I was in my life compared to her at the time. Who knows, but what I do know is, I don’t like the word “mature” because it gets tossed around so often that most people don’t know how to perceive it. It’s a word to describe someone but it doesn’t help when the explanation is purely based on the fact that the person’s personality might not meet your criteria due to them being a little more care free and laughing more. You see, my thoughts surrounding the word “mature” is deeper and more rooted than your superficial way of making someone feel as though they don’t have their life together because they don’t want to talk about politics at every dinner. LOL we can add that to the list of superficial maturity rules. In my opinion maturity is about being able to handle situations as you would expect someone else to, taking other people’s feelings into consideration, having ambition — constant drive to be better & do better in your life; you seek some kind of prosperity, showing responsibility over your life (i.e finances, relationships, friendships. career, etc), “bettering ourselves one mistake at a time until we are wise but not perfect because no one is perfect” (a friend shared this with me), not using temptation as an excuse to do wrong, but overcoming it by doing right, thinking for yourself — not following the leader but being open to other people’s opinions, asking for help — pride can hinder you from growth, asking for help makes you a bigger person, a form of independence — not necessarily living on your own, but not relying on someone else to make your life better unless you have an ailment that doesn’t allow you to help yourself, learning to own up to your faults instead of throwing the blame, acquiring knowledge — the eagerness to learn about the things around you; the people in your life, current events, etc, & spiritual growth because you don’t have to believe in a God; but to believe in something that carries your hope and gives you faith can prove to be a significant part of maturity (i.e your morals, values, beliefs) all three of these things play a role in how you live your life.
So, is maturity important for a relationship? YES. not because you have to be the smartest, most serious and have your life together in order to be mature — because maturity shapes our choices/decisions, provides us with ingredients to a healthy relationship, and creates opportunities for change (a change that hopefully helps us to evolve and learn from mistakes to help better ourselves).
P.S In honor of the friend whose feelings I hurt: I apologize for making you feel unworthy tonight, the feeling of not belonging nor being good enough can be one of the darkest moments of our lives. Playing on your insecurities was both cruel and immature — in this post I had hoped that by telling my story — i could make sure others knew my mistakes and serve me judgement as I had done to you. While sorry cannot fix a broken heart and wilted mind, I appreciate your understanding and willingness to stay in my life. I have many things to still learn and many lessons that I have yet to be dealt — but this mistake shall be written down as the one that won’t need to be redone in order to know the damage it has caused. I love you. For whatever it is worth, I hope this post proves that my heart is in the right place.