First Dates, Then what?

the lesbian world, the first date is the official date of when we become official — so the rumor goes and everyone knows as women, we rush into thIn ings head first and regret it later on. That is just how shit goes at times, but hey, who can blame us, we love to be loved and love the comfort of someone else. Not all women are like this, i figured you should know this by now, but in case you can’t conjure this up without me saying so, there it is. So… what is this post going to be about? probably along the lines of first dates and when to know if something is exclusive — or how to figure out when to be official (because people seem to have different recipes of disaster when doing this part of things) Hopefully I can save your heart and your mind from having to think too hard & long about this with your next date. 

 

Going on dates is fun, at least for me it is. I never put pressure on dates; hell i don’t even use the word “date”; I call it hanging out because essentially that is what we will be doing; “hanging out”. I find that the more I use the word hang out, the more likely the other person won’t feel inclined to be so nervous when we attend this “date”. This post won’t highlight the kind of activities one should do on a first date (that will be for another post) but in general find something you both will enjoy that both parties can talk and get to know one another. 

 

First dates can be nerve wrecking for people because well, you want to impress the person you are meeting up with *make a good impression and you hope that in return they will do the same leading to your Facebook official title (eye roll) but in all actuality, the date is your beginner stage to determining if you and the other person will click and/or mesh well or if it will lead to a “we’re better off as friends” situation BUT to go in thinking of it like that will only make you have high expectations and sometimes that isn’t good because people aren’t perfect and nerves make people do silly things they wouldn’t normally SO take it easy on this person and give them a chance dammit. Do have a mental checklist of things you want in a person for yourself that would add a dose of added happiness to your life but don’t rely on this person to entertain you all evening because they aren’t a show — give them as much effort as they give you and if they are shy; make the best of it. That’s how you handle first dates — you handle them starting by being yourself 100 percent from the get-go and not putting up a front to disguise your true self (if you don’t know your true self, figure this out before bringing someone in) because I think it would be important to know who you are and your limits, etc before exploring a relationship with someone else. You won’t figure everything out about yourself — that takes time, patience and an open mind for growth and mistakes but you should know more than your first name and age if you want a successful date. Just saying, LOL 

 

After the date should be a simple summary of everything — both parties on the way back to base will be deciding from this point forward if they will want to continue seeing this person or if they want to cut them loose for the time being and continue their ongoing adventure dating other people. At some point after the date, someone might have something good to say or on those occasions where the date was flat – they may have something negative to say. For the sake of this post we will play both roles; if the date goes flat and both parties agree they will part ways — then do so knowing you can continue playing the field and find something that is a better fit. 2nd scenario: if one person decides the date was not their cup of tea BUT the other person says they enjoyed the company of this person — well you have a chance at trying a second date in hopes maybe things can start over OR you take the loss and move on (maybe in time the person will change their mind) but don’t dwell on it because sometimes people don’t agree and that’s okay. The third scenario: both of you agree you would like to see each other again.. SO NOW WHAT!? Well you go on a second date and still keep that mental checklist then you go on a third date and many more after that learning something new each time about this person. There is no secret number of dates to go on before you become exclusive with someone– it is all in the comfort level of both parties and how important a relationship is to them at this point in their life (some people like to rush into relationships head first and others like to date for quite some time before committing to one person) regardless you have to be respectful of when they will be ready and vice versa.. otherwise a lost cause. 

 

In my past relationships I became exclusive with someone after about 3-4 months of talking to them and on going on dates and prior to that I was exclusive with someone after the first couple of weeks of going on dates. Neither experience lasted long enough to throw an anniversary party but on the good note, I knew that for this time I would definitely take my time and go at a slower pace to get to know someone on a deeper and more mature level before jumping into a committed relationship ; all the while still play the field to not limit my choices (which this is my current situation) and this person in my life understands and respects that and what makes it even better, is the fact she isn’t looking for a committed relationship at this time either without getting to know someone for a lengthy time frame and figuring herself out more. I truly couldn’t ask for a better experience because we hang out often, we enjoy each others company and adore one another on a friend level but also on a more romantic level as well — the best of both worlds without the commitment; allowing us to both see other people if we choose — we communicate often/ rather all the time about our thoughts and feelings. We came upon an agreement that if either one of us decides to hop into a relationship with someone else; we would stay friends 😀 and if we should become official and start a committed relationship with one another then that’s groovy too.  We know one thing and that is, we will either end up together or we won’t & we are okay with either direction because we are building this wonderful friendship/bond between us that I believe will never be broken xo 

 

So with that story comes the overall gist of this post and that is, knowing when to make something official shouldn’t be a stress, it should come naturally and involve insight from both parties and little to no confusion about the direction of the relationship — a first date doesn’t guarantee they will be your knight in shiny armor so don’t put a lot of pressure on people, and having multiple dates before committing yourself to this person doesn’t mean you are moving too slow. Time isn’t on our sides, we just use what we can of it and hope it makes for something productive. Being official shouldn’t be based on the number of dates you had with someone, it should be based on communication (talking about your feelings with them and being open to theirs to see if its mutual feelings), personalities (learning about each other and using what you have learned to determine if this would be a good match up) and where you are in your life and where you see it going with this potential candidate (because being a positive force in their life would be a plus and vice versa and knowing if want goals you have will correlate okay with their goals — etc)

 

Don’t rush the process —

 

Shay-lon

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