Don’t chase what might not want to be caught
We all make mistakes in and out of relationships. Some that will be forgiven by your partner, some that won’t and some that you have no control over and some that you do. Regardless of the situation, it is pretty much apparent that more often than not, we always want another chance at something or someone when we lose out — we don’t like to lose out and we learn at a young age to keep trying. The trying part can be both mentally fatiguing and exciting because we are drowning in our own sorrow but anxious to know the answer to the BIG question: will you give me another chance? Sorry folks but sometimes chances run out and people just want to move on, and not everything is your fault and not everything is meant to last either. I probably said this too soon, but I am a realist and with this blog, you should know by now, I am not writing to save feelings, I am writing to give you the 411 on things you already know but maybe are in denial of — this is YOUR wake up call; answer the phone and heed what I say from this point on. Even if you don’t agree with what I am about to say, you will see that at some point in life there is truth to it.
If you don’t mind one of my stories, I was you once, begging for the one I cared for to come walking back into my life, to tell me everything is okay and that they wanted to spend their life with me, and we could forget all the past mistakes and start again — like renewed. Sadly, that was not my reality and sadly many of you will have this thought running through your head before it hits you: she is done, she doesn’t want the relationship no matter how much you have supposedly changed, she just wants to go on with her life and begging for her isn’t making your life any better & probably is either pissing her off or annoying her in some form. It sucks, being the one begging for a second chance with someone who doesn’t want you back but you want to believe if you continue to beg they may give in to you — don’t hold your breathe. Be open minded in case she runs back to you, but open minded to the fact she might say “deuces”. Honestly I hated that I was the one asking or “begging” at the time for another chance, she didn’t nudge one bit (she pretended to give me another chance) but pretending does no good when someone else is getting all giddy inside for the chance but gets let down when they realize the pretending was just that — pretending that there could be another chance but they have already moved on (how would I have known any better) ; maybe if I took less time begging and more time paying attention to the signs that were thrown in my direction. Relationships are difficult and some people can get through tough times with their partner and others would rather run when an obstacle enters the relationship and then a small percentage of people run when things get too serious — nonetheless, in neither situation do you need to beg for someone to come back into your life. People have choices. Choices lead to decisions & their decision leads to consequences (good or bad). If you don’t like the consequences rendered from another person’s choice, that’s life. Life isn’t always fairies and pixie dust. Wake up.
I am a firm believer after going through the begging multiple times with multiple partners that I lost some form of character doing so, I felt desperate and obsessed. I didn’t like this feeling but at the time, you don’t think about character, you only think about “how far are you willing to go to get someone back” and some people go to extremes and others get the hint after multiple text/calls. Reality of it is, it shouldn’t take begging at all to “win” somebody back — they aren’t a game, and they aren’t a trophy; they are a human like you and if you want someone in your life — you man up and tell them but you don’t have to change your character to do that (you just have to be sincere about your feelings and realistic of the situation) two things that don’t require you to be desperate or obsessed.
What do I mean when I say it changes your character? like I said before people become desperate or obsessed with winning somebody back. It’s almost like people will go great lengths in order to gain someone back in their life even if they did nothing to render that person choosing to leave, which then turns them into depressed, low self esteem, angry beings, whom then shut down other options for personal growth or meeting someone new because they rather waste away their time waiting for their ex to come back. Waiting for something that may or may not happen. I was that person. OR they do the opposite and find ways to combat their problems with sleeping around, jumping into a new relationship right away or talking shit about the person they were with to fuel their ego. Neither direction is optimal as far as I am concerned. There is nothing wrong with “wanting someone back” in your life, but it’s how you go about it that makes the difference. If you are upfront and ask for another chance … explaining yourself, showing this person you will do better this time around or how the relationship could improve & what it might take/a plan of action AND also taking into consideration their feelings — maybe they aren’t wanting a long term relationship or don’t like commitment, maybe they have other priorities and want a break, or perhaps fell for someone new — those are things you can’t control; only they have the power over that. In other words, “begging” is not necessary if you just go about it with sincerity and a plan of action if one is needed. If the person just wants out the relationship because they don’t want it anymore and it has nothing to do with you, trying to “win” them back is a lost cause because there is nothing you are doing to render this consequence they just want out because they feel it is best for them (maybe they are unhappy or wanting space, perhaps they just want to be single again and date around for fun)You have no control over that. BUT it doesn’t mean they can’t change their mind, just means for the time being, this is what THEY WANT and if that is something they choose, learning to respect that will get you further than fighting about it. I learned this the hard way.
Don’t allow someone else’s choice destroy who you are as a person. Relationships can be mended and fixed but sometimes they aren’t meant to be (not at the moment with that particular person), so don’t exhaust yourself chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught.
Thanks for reading, I hope many of you will share, like and leave comments!