When Sex Stops

Human interaction is important, it feeds us. When you are in a relationship with another person, feelings can happen and in turn came make for a very intimate relationship. Intimacy is important and yet complex, because everyone’s appetite for sexual interaction is different — which is why finding a partner who can feed your appetite and also feed theirs is important. Most lesbians start off in the “honeymoon” stages of their relationship; lots of sexual interaction and fun, it can be marathons and exploring new ways to make each other happy in the bedroom, BUT after a while, it becomes stagnant & boring, or stops as a whole and one party might feel neglected. I believe many lesbians run into this issue because of our typical “rush into a relationship, move in and have fun in the beginning” then as time passes live redundant lives and never again find new ways of exploring one another — 

 

If I am going to be totally honest with all of you, I haven’t ran into this problem within my relationships, well not in this manner, most of my issues have been someone not being able to keep up with my sex drive (not that I am a nympho) but I tend to have a lot of horsepower or anticipation for sex — I love affection (holding hands, kissing, cuddling, touching, etc) so those things tend to get me pumped for the next level. My partners in the past didn’t have bad sex drives, but they were more relaxed when it came to sex, and preferred the kissing and cuddling aspects more so (which didn’t bother me) but it made it more or less harder for me to grasp because my body responds to those things and gets eager for more. However, I am not always like this, only when I haven’t been intimate in a long period of time and feelings start to arise. It never hindered my relationships, but it made me wonder about myself, and in the future I find that I may be more open with sharing this information with someone I am interested in so that it doesn’t catch them off guard.. 

 

A lot of relationships crumble when intimacy goes away; more or less because someone feels neglected and rejected by their partner or the person may feel less beautiful about themselves and in turn don’t want to share this private moment with the person they are with. Low self esteem, traumatic incidences, rejection, different levels of sexual appetites, hormones and mood can all play a part in whether the sexual attraction builds and constantly gets better and better or wilts and never again happens. If going into a relationship you know you aren’t the type to be affectionate and doesn’t do well in intimate scenarios then it is best to let the person know ahead of time so they can decide for themselves if they would like to continue the relationship with you. If you are the type to have a high sex drive and have expectations of tons of affection and prefers to have intimacy more often, then make the person you are dating aware so that in turn they can decide if that is something they can give. There is NOTHING wrong with dating someone opposite of your sex drive, but with that, you have to be more patient and understanding of one another & have to be aware of obstacles that may arise in the relationship due to differences. 

Don’t waste all your energy in the honeymoon stage and have nothing to give in the aftermath; have balance, communicate feelings & desires, be comfortable with the person you choose to be intimate with, build self esteem, explore yourself and your partner, ask questions, don’t judge  your partner, if the emotions aren’t mutual — then the sex becomes meaningless to one and more serious to another, introduce other methods into the relationship if having alone time is impossible & remember to be open minded but don’t force yourself to do things that aren’t comfortable to you. When “love-making” stops, that can be a red flag within a relationship — find out why it stopped and find a solution to the problem. 

Shay-lon 

3 thoughts on “When Sex Stops

  1. Shay-lon, this is so beautifully written. It takes confidence to share sexual experiences and advice and I really enjoyed reading it…

    Sexual compatability is a difficult situation because what do you do if you have a higher sex drive than your lover? But like you say understanding is key especially when the honeymoon phase ends. Thank you for writing this. 😊 😊 8

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    1. Ty! I never knew you read this blog? I didn’t even know you knew about this blog 🙂 lol wow! thank you so much! I am glad someone liked it, wasn’t sure how it would pan out, but glad someone left a comment to let me know. I think part of me is allowing myself to be free on this blog about my experiences , etc. and the other part of me is just eager to talk about topics that others probably think about and want opinions on!

      Shay-lon

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      1. Although I’m not as athletic as you, I run a minimum of 16 miles a week and I think that those of us who are more active tend to bring that physicality to other parts of our lives…including sex.

        I have written about certain sexual experiences myself but I notice with those posts, they have a lot of readership but less “likes”

        This could be because some readers are still a little shy about commenting on these issues…but if people share true life experiences I really think we could change the world…

        What I mean by that is people will know they are not alone. I had a higher sex drive in my previous relationship, I thought I was some kinda addict. I found out I wasn’t but my drive was naturally higher and perhaps if I had read a post like this back then, I could have attempted better communication.

        Keep on shining Shay-lon 😊😊😊

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