When to tell her “I love you”

It’s no secret that we all wish to experience love of some type and we hope that whoever we choose to love will love us back. Social relationships are important for growth and learning, but also for comfort; relationships can be with friendship, family, partner and/or spouse, and with one self, even on a more business professional level. I truly believe “Love is Love”. For the sake of this post, I will be talking about dating/romantic relationships and the timing for the big “I love you”. 

 

I have dated partners where the word flowed right out their mouths with no second thoughts and I have been with partners who sworn to never say it unless they really meant it or unless they were with the person for an extended amount of time. I have also expressed I love you to those who accepted it and didn’t feel uncomfortable by it and dated those who didn’t take too well to me expressing my feelings of loving them. Everyone will have a different answer and reasoning as to why they express it earlier or later than most and when they consider the time to be “right” for the occasion. I personally believe we tend to stress out over this phrase a lot, it makes things complicated when you have to other think it and then waste away your time having to decide when and why you love them. 

 

If you love someone it should come naturally when you say it, not forced or thought about, just say the damn phrase and explain what it means to you when you say it to them — that’s a whole heck of a lot easier than to say it and then regret it later on because you weren’t ready and felt pressured to do so. Nobody should be pressuring you to say I love you in a relationship, it should be on your terms and your why. In my opinion, when you tell someone you love them, you should have a “why”, because most people will either ask why you love them and because knowing why you love someone gives you a reason to love them vs not knowing and just saying the phrase — nobody wants to feel like you are saying scripted words, people like hearing endearment when it has a purpose and meaning. Do I believe that “I love you” is time sensitive/ should be said after dating someone for ____ amount of time? Well, yes. I do, because when you don’t know somebody, how can you love them (what do you love about this person that you don’t know) is this person significant in your life? ex, your parents are significant in most people’s lives so it comes naturally to love them. Some people get the word like and love mixed up and end up making huge mistakes in their relationships OH and some people get “in love” and I love mixed up too, another form of disaster if you don’t distinguish them properly. 

 

When you tell the person you are dating you “love them” , you should think about the why, which then will make it easier on you and less about the time factor and more about the purpose they play in your life and why they are important to you. It WILL take time to build this relationship with someone new, so saying “i love you” off the rip, might be uncomfortable to someone else and might not make much sense to them which in turn will potentially scare them away. Give someone time to be a part of your life and to be a SIGNIFICANT PART OF YOUR LIFE before jumping into the phrase. You can like them a lot, but doesn’t mean you have to love them right away because you like them. In my overall opinion, love can be shown in many different forms, but when you love someone — you will KNOW , it won’t be a second guess or scary thing to say, it will be of the “norm” and natural. It won’t take practicing in the mirror for and it won’t be something they run from. Keep in mind, you and your partner should be on the same wavelength, they might take longer to say I love you back, but doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with you. If they don’t like it when you say I love you, then there may be some underline issues and you will want to figure it out — whether it is the timeliness of the words, or they may feel pressured, or maybe they aren’t ready for something as serious, OR they could have been hurt in the past and the words trigger fear. Figure it out. 

 

I hope this advice comes handy for those us who struggle with relationships and love. Feel free to leave comments and questions at the bottom. 

 

Shay-lon

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