Talking about the Future with your partner

Some of the most fun times you will have with your partner is when the both of you will start to talk about the future of the relationship and your goals, aspirations and where you would like the relationship to go here on out. It can be the best feeling in the world, when you plan out a future with someone you deeply care about and love; not to mention it makes you feel at ease when they want the same things as you and will support your endeavors and vice versa. Some of the couples I have know who have strong relationships and lasting ones, had always talked about their future together because for the both of them, it mattered & it became an end goal so that they knew where to start in order to make it happen for the both of them. Everything is easier when both parties want the same thing. 

 

That’s in a perfect more defined world where you are lucky enough to find someone in your path who is on the same journey but maybe jumping over different hurdles. In the not so perfect world, we have partners who have disagreements (both silent and openly) about the future and can’t seem to get on the same page because they each want something different for their futures (which is okay) but doesn’t always end well for the relationship. The problem with couples who have different journeys is figuring out if the journey will come to a meeting point or if it will continue parting further and further away. In most cases with lack of communication and understanding; it will part them further away and the relationship will end in shambles or heart break. In a small percentage of relationships it could start parting further away but maybe one of them sacrifices their goals/aspirations for the other and it brings them closer together without jealousy or hatred. In another small percentage, it could be that they start parting further away but somehow their goals/aspirations meet them in the middle and they each can do what they want but it doesn’t mean them breaking up to do so. There are a lot of different routes to take within a relationship and depending on where you both are at in your lives, how long you have been together and where you see your future’s it could be a happy ever after or a boulder rock that crushes the both of you. 

 

In my personal experience, talking about the future with someone I have dated had been fun and entertaining because I am young but not so young that I don’t know what I want for myself and with a partner — not to mention my youth gives me room for changes and modifications for my life ahead. The problem I had was my partners were afraid of talking about the future after awhile (and I think it was because they weren’t really sure of themselves at the time as to what they really wanted) and it scared them to think of everything so it might have overwhelmed them; but I wouldn’t have known at the time because we were both very open about our feelings and I thought on the same wavelength — but guess I assumed wrong because the relationship ended or maybe their hearts and mind changed and instead of being honest about it, they decided leaving the relationship was easier than having to explain and hoping I would understand. This is why I am writing this post, because I want to prepare you for something that could happen .. and if it does, I don’t have the answers to it, but at least you know someone else has experienced it. I have always been told “relationships are learning experiences and you learn something new in each one” and at the time I don’t think I learned anything because I was still in pain and sadness but as time progresses you start to realize things that maybe you were blinded to in the past or in denial of. 

 

When I look back, I see that all of my partners compared to me were at different stages in their lives, different wavelengths than me, and they had different goals and journeys and dealing with their own obstacles — because I was busy dealing with my obstacles and dealing with my own inner demons and trying to focus on perfection in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere .. I pretended everything was fine, but deep down, I had my clues but didn’t listen to them. I don’t know if anything I could have done differently would have kept my ex around , but I would be willing to try again and see if it pans out with her in my arms instead of her on my blocked list on social media or vice versa. Maybe if I was further ahead career wise, or if I had a better situation going on inside of me, or maybe if she was more upfront about her demons and kept me abreast on her thoughts and what all she was struggling with, we could have figured things out and made a goal to get through them together— but we didn’t and so here I am writing about it in hopes it helps somebody else. If not. At least I tried. 

 

The future can hold incredible things, but we don’t always get to take the easy road, so when talking about the future with your partners, be sure to evaluate the situation at hand and take some mental notes as to what it will take to make shit happen for the both of you OR save each other from the bickering and fighting and split ways if you both know that your choices will push you further apart and neither one of you are willing to change course. I wish you all the luck ladies and gents ❤

 

Shay-lon 

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