I am not saying this is a “lesbian” thing, but do any of you ladies ever ask yourself: “how can I handle my partners emotions, when I have troubles handling my own?” The reason I am asking women is because we are typically emotional driven (not saying men cannot) but we/some of us are emotionally charged. Dating another female who may possibly be as emotionally charged as yourself or more can be a lot for anyone if they don’t quite have a grip on themselves. I personally can say that I am in tact with my emotions incredibly and sometimes to a fault. and having dated someone who couldn’t understand this didn’t help our relationship at all. My ex I was dating at the time, she was in tact with her emotions but in a different form/way that intimidated me a bit sometimes because her mere attitude and tone would change drastically where I wasn’t sure how to react to her either. We were both flawed but in ways that we didn’t see in ourselves but could see in each other & let’s get real after you see someone for who they really are, you may be left impressed or regretful.
There was ONE specific incident that happened in my relationship that comes to mind when I talk about this topic. One that I think made my partner feel not only uncomfortable at the time but confused her as much as it did me, but the fact that she dismissed my feelings and made me feel inferior really eats at me now discussing it (this is what happens when you look back on things and notice how love might have blinded you) but continuing on.. that specific incident was me having my nervous breakdown due to something she said that really made me feel uneasy about myself and for whatever reason, it made me breakdown in tears.. and react in a way that it could be compared to a level 2 or 3 snow day! lol. During that moment I didn’t realize what I do now and that is, I had no way of taking control of myself and handling myself better because I wasn’t aware of how damaged I might have been internally and so everything that I felt came out all at once and it was like a tornado. Then the fear of losing her at that moment because of my emotions that night, made it that much worse- I blamed my anxiety but some of it was just me being broken and not expressing it to her prior. So here we are, growing up and maturing day by day and each day I am learning more and more about who I am, and what makes me react the way I do and how I can be in more control of my emotions, so that it doesn’t become a horror story for everyone I date. Since the breakup in July of this year, I did a lot of puzzles to figure out where shit went wrong & while I may not have ALL the answers, I learned a great deal.
I learned that if I want to continue being in relationships and have them work, then I have to be mentally stable before getting into the relationship. I can’t continue to brush things under a rug and hold them there hostage, I have to be willing to work on finding a balance within me that allows me to both show emotions – but at the same time manage them better — which then will add up to me better being able to work with my partner when she has bad days, because hopefully we will have both talked about these things together to find ways that work for each of us; so when things like this happens we aren’t scared or frustrated with the one we date but instead we are showing compassion, understanding and making them feel at one vs below you because of how they are feeling. My podcast on this particular topic explains more in depth: https://soundcloud.com/shay-lonfitnesswonderwoman-moss-fitness-wonderwoman/lgbt-how-to-handle-your
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