Is it possible to fall in love without a foundation, a foundation that many call friendship?
This isn’t a lesbian thing, it is a worldwide thing. I have learned from many mistakes that friendship might be a key factor into building a healthy relationship – especially after having this recent break up happen. No worries, I will talk about this recent break up, but not so much in this post, in a post on its own. It doesn’t really hit me that maybe jumping into a relationship is a bad idea until I realize how I know very little about this person and the things I do know about them didn’t prepare me for a rainy day in the relationship.
I failed to stick to my guns when I said I wanted to make a strong friendship because I was anxious about having this person apart of my life and it just seemed right to be with them before considering anything else. From what I have learned from couples who have made it through thick and thin, they started off with a foundation; one that didn’t crack or break because they made sure everything was held by their bond. I am young and still learning, but not so young that I don’t know right from wrong, but I am naive to think that a relationship could work if it has no foundation or beginning. I think this time around I am starting to understand this more and I won’t take advantage of this moment to get to know someone because I don’t want to end up where I am now, pissed off from making bad decisions and not taking my time to get to know someone in and out before hopping in their arms. Currently I am single and with this being said, I have been more eager to start dating again but with the fear that I will fall into love’s trap and get mixed up in my emotions before building a solid friendship. Since being single, I have put more thought into what I want this time around, and what I need to change so I don’t keep making the same mistakes & one thing I have found to be the most important factor for me, is having a friend first before a relationship because my luck hasn’t been well the other way around.
Some people might be lucky enough to have it where they didn’t need the friendship before the relationship because for some reason they were able to grow with one another at a rate that was comfortable to them both and in the mix of all that; they were able to build a foundation. I haven’t had such luck or blessings. This blog post isn’t me giving you a life lesson on relationships and friendships but instead hoping that you will share your own opinion on the matter and how you feel about it. I have to believe that if one way isn’t working for me, then I am to try another way until I get it right with the right person.. ya know. I don’t want to keep on this steady path of what if’s and should of could of, I need to learn from mistakes and make better choices for myself so if shit goes to shit that I at least know I took some proper steps beforehand. I know there are pros and cons of having a friendship before a relationship, like anything else, always some drawbacks, but depending on your luck you might have more pros than cons. I only have fallen for someone ONCE my whole life and I truly believed she was my soulmate but I know I didn’t go about things the right way, and because love can blind a person, I didn’t see it until shit was too late and I didn’t know how to go back and fix it. Our downfall, you ask? we didn’t have a solid foundation, no friendship, no real understanding of one another and so when shit was amazing we could be on cloud 9 but when shit started to go South, we couldn’t handle it because we didn’t know how & for a while I thought a temporary bandage would keep things from falling apart (we could just keep going in this relationship and learn as we go) but it doesn’t always work out that way – somebody gets sick of guessing, of not knowing how to handle things, not understanding, & then realizing that maybe things went too fast and we should have been friends first so that we could build something amazing…
I sit here crying because I am sorry, I am sorry that I wasn’t mature enough to know that without the glue, love couldn’t bind us together by itself. Love was the temporary bandage but we needed something to be the glue. So, with this being said, I want everyone to feel free to share your own stories, your own thoughts on friendships and having a foundation for relationships to grow and be strong. I appreciate all of you for reading this.
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The fitness lesbian,