Out & Proud OR not to be


If we are going to be honest with one another, I think “coming out the closet” about ones sexuality might be the hardest part of being in the gay community. Regardless of how the experience goes, the having to tell someone makes us nervous because we never know how someone will respond nor the consequences – we can only hope for the best! This recent podcast I speak on coming out the closet and how to determine who to tell (whether it means telling everyone you know, or telling only a few people or going worldwide and shouting it out for the nation to hear).  I am sure everyone will have their own thoughts on this matter, I care to hear yours. 

I will begin with my own thoughts, and afterwards, you can agree to disagree and share your opinion with me. For starters, coming out for me is 50/50, while I am more comfortable about my sexuality and feel as though I got a great experience from telling my mom because she was super supportive and so was my brother’s, I also didn’t like the thought of coming out to strangers or my friends or even other relatives. You see, it wasn’t until about almost a year now,  that I “came out” to everyone on my Facebook – this wasn’t by choice, my girlfriend at the time wanted me to make an announcement about our relationship and while I was very nervous about it, I did it. I didn’t get any negative comments or bullshit from anyone on social media, but my mom had a whole lot of text and calls from people who were telling her (mind you she knew because I came out to her when I was 18) lol so she wasn’t shocked. I have to admit that it made me very anxiety ridden because not everyone on my Facebook do I speak to on a regular basis and I have family members who are very “Christian” and didn’t even know, so it was all very overwhelming & considering that relationship didn’t last very long in the first place, I felt like I did this all for nothing. In the end, it made me paranoid out in public because I felt like the whole world knew and I didn’t want the whole world to know about my sexuality – on the upside it made it easier to post future relationships on my FB without people being in shock. 

I am 25 years of age now, I have chosen to use the “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” because I have made it my business to decide who knows about my sexuality and who doesn’t. This has nothing to do with the fact I am “scared” to be open but because I feel like not everyone I meet needs to know my personal business BUT this does not mean, if you ask me, I will deny it, I will be honest and I will tell you. Although maybe a year or two ago, I was going so back and forth with my sexuality between bisexuality and lesbian, I couldn’t even stand to be honest with myself because I didn’t know what to call myself. Since this time, I feel like I know myself a little more than I did and have built a confidence within that I didn’t always have – but the telling of someone about my sexuality still makes me nervous and I don’t know if that will ever go away 100 percent. We shall see. 

Now, I know people on the other hand who wear their sexuality out and proud to everyone and it works for him/her and I think it is wonderful that they feel free to do so and don’t feel ashamed, embarassed or bothered by other people’s reactions regardless if it is negative or positive. That takes a HUGE part of someone to do that and not fear any consequences of it because they love who they are 100 percent and just want people to know they are who they are and don’t feel the need to “hide” it. I respect that.  While I do tell close friends, and certain family members, I have yet to be as open about it publicly with strangers and certain members of my family because like I said before “NOT everyone I meet or know needs to know my personal business” – if I feel like telling them, I do and if I don’t, then I don’t, if they ask, I tell them. For those of you who aren’t out the closet quite yet, there is a lot to consider when choosing to come out, because everyone’s circumstances are different. It doesn’t need to be rushed, take it day by day, decide how you want to go about it – then do it.  It will be a weight off your shoulders.   If you choose to not come out because there are risk that you aren’t comfortable with, that’s fine because maybe in time.. you will have less risk to worry about. Who knows. 

Coming out the closet will take time for some people because it can be a process. In order to come out, you have to be comfortable with yourself, your sexuality, and be willing to handle the good with the bad because you can’t make everyone happy. Choosing who to tell is your business and if you want to shout it out, GREAT, if you want to pick and choose, that’s fine too  – make it your business to decide how to go about it.. as long as you are happy with your choice, go about it in a way that makes you feel comfortable. 

Are you out and proud with anyone and everyone? or are you like myself – pick and choose who needs to know based on whether or not you feel it is important for them to know/picking and choosing based on feeling comfortable enough to tell them. OR are you someone who isn’t out the closet yet but deciding on how to go about it? 

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