What is harder: Coming out to Friends or Family?

In the above link, I talk about how coming out the closet for anyone in the gay community can be one of the hardest or easiest things to do, for many of us, we have to choose who we tell first. 


I have thought long and hard about this because for me, I was able to tell my mom a lot sooner than I was able to tell friends or peers. I know people who can tell friends and not parents or can’t tell either one.. so I guess I got lucky enough to have a supportive mom when it was all said and done. Coming out of the closet can either be someone’s worst nightmare or someone’s breath of fresh air – for me it was a little of both to be honest. I didn’t really understand my sexuality in full when I came out and by then I was telling her I was bisexual but honesty, if we are being honest with one another I was totally lesbo. lol. I felt more comfortable saying bisexual because I was still experiencing confusion and denial and even though I had told my mom, I don’t think I meant to tell her so soon because I wasn’t even sure if I was okay with it myself. 


I didn’t come out to peers or friends until I was around 23 or 24 years of age and even then I was very nervous around people and even more anxiety ridden even talking about it because it was becoming a question of ,, what will people think of me? I know we aren’t supposed to care what others think of us, but in my mind, I didn’t want to be judged because of my sexuality  – who does? My mom was easy to tell and every since that day, she has been more than supportive of my gay friends and myself. and I love that about her, because even though we have never been super close, she still loved me regardless of who I dated or loved. My friends and peers at the time, I think knew but was beating around the bush to ask me and that was perfectly okay with me, because I didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. There was ONE friend of mine, a close friend, he is gay and he was the FIRST to know besides some family and of course he was very supportive and helped me a little bit to feel whole with myself. 


How did the world come to find out I was gay? Well, when I dated my ex before the ex I recently dated, she had me post something on Facebook of us together and there it was, out for the world to see, everyone on my social media and YES I WAS SUPER SCARED and didn’t know what to think but thankfully had no rude comments or negative conversations from people. Although anyone who knew my mom and my family was texting her to tell her the news I posted on Facebook, little did they know, she had already knew this about me 🙂 (glad I was the one to tell her first) and of course it made me feel good that they were supportive as well because honestly, it would have killed me to lose people I care for because of who I am. I never wanted all of Facebook to know about me, because not everyone on my Facebook do I give two shits about , but hey, it happened and no turning back now, so at least it won’t come as a surprise to anyone if they see me and no one will feel the need to ask me because it was posted loud and clear.   


My sexuality followed me throughout life but because of my lack of self confidence and lack of understanding and worrying about how others feel about me, I wasn’t able to fully be myself until later on in life and while I feel good knowing that I am out and everyone around me who cares to know knows, I also feel bad because with all the men who have interest in me and continue to pose interest in me, I feel like I am somewhat letting them down .. but then again I don’t want to let myself down and so .. someone has to get their feelings hurt and this time i’d rather it not be me.  To answer the question, coming out to friends and peers is much harder for me, even now because making friends is hard enough and then having to worry about keeping them – and I don’t think my sexuality needs to be announced as a greeting, lol. I have decided that I do the don’t ask, don’t tell .. just because not everyone needs to know, and not everyone will stay long enough to find out. 


What was harder for you, coming out to your friends or family?


If you haven’t come out yet, which one do you think will be hardest and why?


Shay-lon xo


P.S Both of my siblings know; both are okay with it as well 🙂 one is still young so he might not fully understand but one day I will explain it to him. 

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